I'm Really Sorry About That

Have a line you love to use when playing or talking about some aspect of it or when someone tells you how mean you were. Mine is: I'm really sorry about that.

Bastard

If you are going to call me names....don't forget 'bastard'.

Playing in Tight Spaces

Learn to play in tight spaces....such that you can still throw a single tail without hitting anyone but your bottom. That goes for flogging and caning too. Look around your play space and keep a check on who might be near your area and then compensate for their presence. Limit interruptions to your scene so as to not lose continuity of the flow of your scene nor disrupt the journey you and your bottom are on.

Buying Needles

For needleplay ....buy your needles from your local drugstore or veterinarian supply houses. If someone asks why you need so many....just say you do art and piercings. Check your local laws tho. Ask kinksters in the places you plan to travel to what the issues are to be careful of. And if you are leery as to what is legal or not....don't travel with them.

Bondage: It's More Than Suspension

Please.....do something more than just suspension bondage. Tie a person to a chair, a fence, to slither on a floor, throw in a pool, on a table, over a workbench, on the bow of a boat....just anything than just for suspension. Be more creative. Not that suspension bondage isn't creative - it is. Just explore more ways to do bondage. Try a body harness.

Body Type Parties

I have no problem with play parties where you have BBW/Admirer, HWP, trim, bodybuilders and admirers and mixed body type parties. Be open, try new types of parties. Screw the discrimination issues. If your venue is out there to meet needs....create parties for body type preferences.

There Will Always Be Seekers

There will always be people seeking others like them regardless of any movement in place to provide a space for them to meet and play. And no movement automatically means such folks will find what they are hoping to find.

Fragrance Parties

Too many kink centers answer to minority needs ....and by doing so....limit the freedom of the majority. The anti-fragrance bunch is a good example. A lot of people love perfume and cologne on others and loving wearing it. Let's have no-fragrance parties and fragrance-allowed parties.

No UN Negotiations

If you need a UN negotiation to play.....you might never get a chance to play.

That Man....Not Men

Message to women who believe that 'men' are the source of their problems: it was that man or that man over there. Get a grip. Stop blaming all men.

You Are Not Your Social Network

Social networks are not the measure of who you are, your quality nor of your qualifications. Instead...be self-confident, rely on your personal friends whom you spend time with face to face or talk to by voice on the phone. You are not your social network.

Buy Quality Toys

Buy well-made kink toys. Save up the money. It will be well worth it.

Craft Your Sexual Identity

Your sexual identity is your craft....not defined by a movement.

Play is the Culture

'Play' is the kink culture....it's not a movement or cause. It's what we do.It's about the scene names we use, the social structure, the relationships we have, how we educate each other, the secrets we keep.

Your Father and I Are Vanilla

Despite how much of kink is lifestyle-oriented....just keep in mind your parents likely didn't tell you about their vanilla sex life. There are ways to explain lifestyle behaviors without revealing how kinky you and your partner are, for example, respect for military or elite cultural proper social behavior.

Glossary

A bit of terms:

• M/s - Master or Mistress / slave or submissive. Can include protocol. Can be part of one's identity. Most engage in M/s as a kind of lifestyle.
• D/s - Dominant/slave or submissive. Can include protocol. Can be part of one's identity and be a lifestyle, tho not usually.
• T/b - Top/bottom. People who are T/b play for the course of a scene. Not usually part of one's identity. Not usually lifestyle-oriented.
• BDSM - bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism
• Scene - people, usually two, playing together, usually someone is a Top, Dominant, Master or Mistress and the other is the slave, submissive or bottom. However, neither have to have roles or titles...people can just use their names. A scene can be two people who are both players. 
• SSC - Safe, Sane, Consensual
• RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink. While all scenes are risk aware....RISK scenes tend to be more daring physical or psychological toward actual harm  then SCC. Note the approach of harm is an agreed to event.
• Restraints - rubber, metal or leather cuffs for wrists and ankles. Rope can be used.
• Protocol - Sir, Master, Mistress, Lady, Ma'am, Mister, Miss. These are used to address the Top. Sometimes the bottom, slave or submissive will have titles given them to be addressed by.
• Bondage - usually rope is used to bind a person. 
• Discipline - reprimand for a violation of taught behavior. Often given out physically: spanking, slapping, whipping, paddling, caning. Sometimes carried out with guidance. Trivial or minor violations....the discipline is one of guidance and if physical then not too painful. If the violation is great then the discipline can be more hurtful. Discipline can also include that certain privileges are taken away. It can also mean confinement or a menial task given. The effort of discipline is to correct a behavior. 
• Sadism - the enjoyment of giving pain, a sadistic gives pain upon another....meant to hurt, irritate, surprise ie.: throw cold water on bare skin, controlled agony. 
• Masochism - the enjoyment of pain, the masochist feels a bit of pain or discomfort from tight or awkward bondage, a discipline or use from a sadistic person. Most masochists don't know when to stop....they love it that much....so it's very important to the one working on a masochist to know when to stop. 
• Negotiation -  a discussion between two people who would like to do a scene (sometimes between more than two people)....it's a discussion about what to allow in the scene, what to be careful about, what physically is ok to do, what health issues to consider and respect, what safewords to use if any, if aftercare is needed after the scene. It's a time to agree on certain aspects about the scene to carry out. 
• Safewords - these are words that help to people communicate with each other - yes, both can say a safeword....not just the bottom. Typical safewords are: Red - to stop, Yellow - to slow or reduce the intensity of the play or to switch to some other kind of play, Green - to continue, liking it, Blue - suggest that part of the scene is triggering a point of past baggage or is emerging, a bad memory, a time when the person was abused or harmed. Safewords can be any group of words to use....or just one used. It should be defined. 
• Aftercare - this is done after a scene....to hold the bottom (slave or sub or player), to comfort, to speak low volume words of comfort and compliment to the bottom, to help bring the bottom through the after-experience of the scene to reality. To use a sheet or cover to keep the bottom warm. To remove the restraints and massage the body parts.  

No Protocol?

Protocol in the general social areas of many clubs....more the larger ones...is less than it has been in the past....in some places not practiced at all. It's too bad really.

I Like It

I do kink play because I like it, turns me on, causes more creative play, for the power and energy exchange and a level of intimacy not had any other way between two people.  

Lifestyle Rooms

While the community center model at CSPC was interesting....what I really want is a club that has lifestyle rooms.

Screw Fucking

Sad so many people think that sex is all about fucking.

Intimacy is Not a Movement

When I hold my girl, hug her, kiss her, undress her, play with her, sleep with her….none of that has to with promoting a movement. It’s just her and I enjoying intimacy. And if what we do together rubs off on others….I can hope it’s good for them. But …we aren’t responsible for their outcome. Nor are we trying to send a message. Our activity with each other is about us. It’s not about opening others up unless we are focused on doing that. And most of the time we aren’t focused like that. And we are ok with that.

Bring your Brain

Please have your brain and ID with you when entering any kink party. You're gonna need them both. How you think outside isn't much different than how you will be thinking about things on the inside. 

The Scene Process

I look at the process having a scene as a kind of musical flow of developing intimacy....the introductions, the negotiations, the agreements, the embrace, the play and the aftercare.

Het Energy

I love the energy and power exchanges in heterosexual space. Pan is close, but not quite.