What You Need to Have a Poly Relationship

Yes...poly takes time, orchestration, adjustments, tons of open and honest communication...tho not too much different than two person intimate relationships or in non-intimate friendships….if we are honest about it, if we look more closely at what is driving those relationships and what holds them together. And we have to unlearn jealousy, issues with body image, being right, scoring and competition, blame, and insecurity if we want them to survive and do so in a healthy manner beneficial to each person in the relationship...and as a whole (everybody part of it as a kind of unit).

For most relationships ...they seem to happen ‘naturally’ and ‘spontaneously’ and last as long as there are not major or blown out of proportion conflicts where at those times each person starts to look more closely to what is happening in the relationship as part of the effort to hope to resolve it.

The most important keys to a healthy and successful long term poly relationship setup include:

1. Honesty...no underlying motives, no lies, no fibbing, but open to talk about just about anything within the boundaries pertaining to agreements of what can be shared.

2. Open Communication....not waiting to communicate....not being afraid to talk about issues or just stuff….and talking about issues as they arise and not when they have been boiling over time where they have already started to reshape the quality of the relationships. It means communicating about who one is seeing, what each is doing, how long to be gone, when the next time frame to spend together will happen, and can include, if agreed and comfortable with such information, what each did with another. Communication with orchestration...not just haphazardly expecting some sort of automatic acceptance about what is going on, playing ‘this is not my place’ or ‘I can’t ask about that’ games. Poly demands that nothing is assumed, but rather that each person has a pretty clear idea of what's going on...thoughts, feelings, needs, etc of each person. It means talking to each other….much in the same manner you might with all your friends.

3. Boundaries...knowing within what boundaries this can all work....what sex with and without safety is allowed (that idea of who you can be fluid with and how exclusive the group is to maximize safety), time frame needs so each have time to be with another that is not rushed....for example, knowing Phil will be with Mary this weekend and I have with him Monday and Tuesday, what is open for discussion, quality, depth, space where time is spent, what is allowed to occur in spaces, and setting boundaries on issues like jealousy (for me...I tell my partners that I don't and that they won't entertain jealousy, but focus who they are without a focus on comparisons being made or pitfalls flooding their minds while they are with another).

I look at poly this way....I have non-sexual friends each of whom get a version of whatever we discuss and with whom, individually or together, I will spend time with often in planned intervals of time. There's never the reaction like 'So John....is there something going on.....because last weekend you spent the whole weekend with Jill. I thought I was your best friend and that we would be doing more time together. So what's up....am I not your best friend anymore?' - which is sort of similar to what does happen a lot between couples... "So honey...you've been spending a lot of time with Dave...am I not enough for you?" You see that none of your friends are complaining about who is or isn't enough, nor likely to be competing against each other...and that's how it should work with closer and sexual relationships. But it usually doesn't unless it's designed in with a clear set of boundaries and communication...along with honesty.

The nutshell is....you love what you have with your primary partner and each of you wants more of that sort of relationship, with a few other things you don't have going on, that's long term while at the same time allowing you to keep what you’ve both created for the both of you that you both enjoy.

When I had four running relationships along side of a long term mono/poly relationship which all started because of mutual attraction and that we all had something in common: a bdsm focus....each knew the names of the others, they all coordinated time with me inline with their time needs to spend with the others in their own lives, we drew boundaries of the details to share between each other's other relationships, we took up problems as they rose, we made adjustments. But it also worked because each person had a need to be with another for a different reason and set of needs than what others wanted. Each had tight time frame needs that made it all work and personal responsibilities that could be worked around. I had developed each relationship keeping fit in mind for all of us. We didn't share the same space, but rather got together in other spaces. One was a salesperson and gone a lot, one was a single parent with demanding responsibilities of being so, another was married and had just had a baby, and another was a teacher. Having all those relationships...I was also in a relationship with a gal who was monogamous to me that was approaching 5 years. We didn't hold secrets or grudges. We limited the insecurities and questions to maintain the quality of the poly arrangement. We worked on making this happen. Our next step was living in the same house...but that fell through as everyone's schedules were impacted by work and new responsibilities, but we all did want that. For some...there was some fear, but we discussed it and fought through it. Eventually we split off and went our own ways. The poly thing worked for as long as it could, but each person’s own life was being further impacted by issues not related to the poly thing, but had been taking it’s toll upon the arrangement. That was ok. Sometimes the path of life changes and you just have to move on. I remain poly to this day and have a mono/poly long term relationship once again. 

Tim Ferris talks about setting out to "design your life" in his book "4-Hour Work Week". He doesn’t talk about poly relationships, but certain points in his book can be converted to better understanding what needs to be in place for poly relationships to work well. 

Similar to 'working' on being a couple....poly is that integration of being more acute about the dynamics of such a relationship. It means seeking to be informed and able to communicate what is observed during the design of a poly relationship. It means making the effort to manage it and making the necessary adjustments to assure the health and quality of the arrangement....the best matches possible for each person's needs.

If I were to use the "DEAL" format from Tim Ferris's book it might go like this:

1. Define what you want, set rules and boundaries such that if another person looked at what you were attempting to create, what you have achieved...they could then see why and how it is working as a unit.

2. Eliminate what isn't 'really' important....deal only with the stronger specifics of what is needed for this poly thing to work for everyone such as determining the quality of time intervals spent with others. Time is a bit of a killer...because abandonment thoughts and feelings can grow like wildfire if left wandering. Determine what is critical and not so critical, what might be alarming and what is not to be worried about.

3. Automation....you don't have to discuss everything nor get all that you need from all the other partners....some decisions will be made privately with only those whom such decisions apply to. While you've designed and re-designed the relationships...there are going to be parts of that design that will only apply to certain people. In effect....the only time you have to outsource your problems and issues to others is when you have run out of objectivity because your involvement is clouding your mind a bit. The poly relationship is a bunch of boxes...some have the names of one person on them, others have contents in the box that only apply between two people, and still others have contents that apply to all the names on the box.

4. Liberation happens once the designed-in parts works like a machine....the bonds are clearly defined, what's given is understood, what isn't shareable is known, the limitations/boundaries are well known and infused as if connected together to make up a string, and the relationships are running a course that feels natural and spontaneous. At this point the relationships are mobile such that you don't have to think much of what is going on between them nor think about who to include in decisions....they are an integrated whole. Each has become part of the design such that if one part breaks...the rest of it will come to aid, if that's the decision, and work to resolve the issues to repair the relationships.

I remember the one rule of a married couple (who had kids and were raising a family together) where both were poly, have long standing relationships with others and of which much of the partnering had intense sets of responsibilities each in their own lives, some of where each had to attend to their established family activities and links with their extended families unrelated to their poly arrangements. The rule they both agreed on that held their own relationship together and best fit those they were poly with was this one item they found worked for them:  Be home by midnight.

In long term poly there is that idea of how to help each other and in what areas...things like health needs, paying the bills, family responsibilities, retirement issues, working around work, vacation decisions, holidays, chores, dreams, futures, friends, projects, etc. These are all the components that also exist for those in two person relationships. To what level of responsibility are you willing to get yourself into with each person you are involved with? That needs to be determined as part of the design of the whole poly integration.

A book I recommend is "The Ethical Slut: A guide to infinite sexual possibilities" by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt. Some points from book include:

• Don’t deprive others, ask what they need or if they would like this or not. 
• Arrange what you do with another, if in the same space as the others, in the manner that those being around find comfortable of what it is you are doing with the person you are spending time with there 
• Know who gets along with which others. Be aware that when you leave one with another where maybe they don’t get along that well, but where they both know what they do love about the poly thing are for other good reasons, that they don’t feel too uncomfortable being around each other. Try to limit discomfort. Talk about it. Come up with where else they can be.
• Be reasonable....don't do things that you know drive another up the wall outside what you have designed. 
• Don't communicate more than what has been agreed upon. Stay within the boundaries set. 
• Adhere to your boundaries...don't go outside them since doing so can, for example, bust trust, start insecurities, and create questionable scenarios of what is unknown. 
• You don't have to like each other, but all of you should be able to reasonably get along without causing the kind of stress that leads to a break-off. This area is critical as to how well the 'glue' you’ve each determined is working that holds all of you in place. 
• If you've come to spend time with another partner after spending time with another....neither of you should expect an immediate switch over….so be aware of how tight the scheduling is, time needed to relax into the next meeting. 
• Limit anger, what was repeated again that you thought was or wasn't said with another. Be aware as best you can with what was discussed when and with who. Try to limit criss-crossing of information being shared. 
• Don't expect love to happen in each of the relations, but realize that for some love isn't the glue factor for them to be in the relationship and that that is ok. 
• Learn to adapt to each other's personality differences...this is why 'fit' is all important. It's hard to have the right fit...so be upfront with what each of you hope to achieve...realize different personalities might be more the sauce that makes for a better fit. 
• Encourage that everyone 'owns' the decisions they make and make as a group. 
• Try to unlearn jealousy, issues with body image, being right, scoring and competition, blame, insecurity ....all these can break up relationships or at least cut into the quality of the relationships. You want to work on what holds relationships together. Make that call-out when one of these rears its ugly head. Don’t wait. Determine the dynamics of each of these issues so you can best recognize them early on and see how they might be affecting the relationships. 
• Be ok with realizing that this particular poly thing isn’t working for you. Open to discuss leaving. Don't play the hurt game.
• Allow yourself to explore, to ask questions, to bring up subjects perhaps hard to explain 
• Try not to be so hard on yourself 
• Limit judgment unless you have a damn good reason that will better hold the relationship once resolved. Unwarranted judgments can lead to uninformed scenarios….the guessing of what might be going on. 
• Don't rush things, but take the time to develop relationships. Work on one issue at at time and as they come up. 
• Say something when you think what's going on is problematic....don't wait. 
• Don't be careless, reckless or insensitive in your relationships. 
• Don't just focus on oneself....you're designing a relationship with others that you want and need to work well.
• Work toward resolve....a 'yes', an understanding and the definitive 'no', but where the final decision or conclusion still still retains the ‘glue’ that keeps the poly thing working well for others. 
• Learn to be ok with seeing your partner with others. Learn to hold that what you have with a partner is special between the two of you....that what your partner holds with another is between them. 
• Recognize when it seems paths are widening between each other rather than coming together or staying on the same path ...and then say something about it. Poly changes....a partner leaves, another is added or one determines they need to be without an intimate partner for a bit, or that they are between partners. 
• Determine if you want a closed poly group or an inclusive one (adding or subtracting partners as you move forward). 

In my present relationship....penetrative and oral sex is reserved for my primary as are certain things only her and I like to do together. Know what those are in the relationships you put together. If the idea is agreeable to have and to share similar things with others....and that works...do it, but if not then accept that. Choreograph the design along the way with individual needs alongside the total relationship.

Most importantly….realize that what you share with another is a different sequence string of same or similar information you have shared with another. The dynamics are different enough from one person to the next and that your time with another is original because the connotations and histories and all that is shared is understood differently when with one partner or with another. 

A sight to check is Loving More. Goodreads is a great source for books on these matters. Take a listen to an episode of Polychat on sleeping with other partners....tho the video covers areas in a poly relationship that can be difficult to manage. 

And remember...as with any relationship...it’s a learning thing, a work-at-it thing. Take the time to explore and don’t forget to have a bit of fun in it all. You might be surprised to learn that for as much work as poly can be....you have the best of what multiple relationships offer that also hold the relationship you started with when you entered into a poly relationship. 

The Leather/BDSM/Fetish Can Stand On It’s Own

That’s right….we can stand on our own….without being part of the sex positive movement and without being part of that which is kinky. The big sex positive and kink umbrella blurs all the sexual expressions in the effort to put it on some list as if each shares the same issues, should rally together as one, should have the same beliefs, communicate in the same manner, share a commonality between cultures. They don’t. And I, for one, believe the Leather/BDSM/Fetish community should stand on it’s own.

The Leather/BDSM/Fetish community has it’s own:

• History
• Culture
• Fashion
• Safety Protocols
• Play Equipment
• Structure
• Rules
• Community
• Respect
• Honor
• Position
• Leadership
• Relationships
• Play and Lifestyle 
• Identity
• Image
• Communication
• Education
• Focus
• Lifestyle
• Support Protocols
• Etiquette

For most of what I have seen and heard about in my own experiences, in venues, and through conferences….who we are is better shared with those like us….that the sex we do is integrated with our Leather/BDSM/Fetish interests….our ‘families’ grow together because we respect our related cultures and supportive structures. We know who we are doesn’t fit with much of the all encompassing sex positive movement whose many members do not understand us.

Our play is the expression of our lifestyle in a public, yet private, gathering.

We are not just about sex. Our focus across Leather/BDSM/Fetish interests binds with who we are in everything we do. Without the feeding we need….we are lost….and if long enough….we die.

In the world of the ‘black and white’ masses....our ‘colors’ are only seen by those who are like us. Our hearts beat to a different rhythm. Our walk is a different path. The rest of our identities are not seen as exclusive as if to be individually protected….we need not those reminders nor a movement because we are an integrated culture with a specific mix of cultures that interconnect by a particular drive….that of a Leather/BDSM/Fetish energy. We need not work toward it. We are already there.

We need to stand on our own….away from the blur of the sex positive movement….to preserve who we are and to embrace those who have taken the long journey to come home to their community. We were all once seeking to find it. We know that need. It’s driven us and continues to do so.

Through preservation we can be easily be found by others after their hard journey...and grow together as one of distinction and dignity....of pride and of honor...and together preserve our growing heritage.

Simple Bindings ....Kink Play Using Stuff at Home

So you wanna do some kinky/sensation play and you haven't got any toys? Yes you do....your home is full of them and it's time to start perverting them. Many of these perversions can be used simultaneously in a play scene. So let's go....

Yarn....comes in all colors....this is your simple rope alternative.

Paper towels ....pull a sheet and roll it up and tie wrists together....tie a knot.

Bed sheets ....each has some subtle sensation differences....you can bind with them, roll them up and bind, roll them up and whip with them, lay a person on an open sheet and with clothespins close the sheet over them and then....pour a cup of ice cold water over it. Paint on it while it's draped on the body. Have a person lean against the wall and you drape them with the sheet and slowly whip it off till the sheet just falls off and reveals this awesome person you are playing with there for you. Do a blindfold.

Fishing line ....lots of colors, lots of different diameters....gather to hold and whip with it, bind with it....watch the tightness...it can cut, create a netting with it, bind someone to a chair, a post, a bed, a bench.

Rope and twine and thread....from the thick to the twisted to the ultra thin for binding and decorating the body. Lay a person over a table and bind them to it....or drap and tie down over the body but not tie to the body....tie to the table. 

Toy cuffs and real handcuffs .....you figure it out. Hands behind or in front, cuffed to a post, a chair, a column, a post, a table leg, a sofa leg, to the ladder, one cuffed wrist and the other cuff to a door handle. 

Dress Ties ....like the sheets....tied to ankles and wrists, tie several together to do a hogtie of wrists to ankles, tie several together to use a leash, use one as a gag around the head to tie. Do a blindfold.

Clothespins ....put on women's breasts, men's nipples, on genitalia, any loose skin. Run a string through the sprink hole center and then put a clothespin in line with others on the body (not nipples or genitalia) and when all the clothespins are on the body....hole one end of the string and pull quick and fast to pull off all the clothespins. 

Chains ....any will do....take a chain out of a freezer and lay on the body. Lay a person down on a bed or table and tie them down with chains and if you have ring bolts in the side boards....use locks to attach the chains to. Do thud strikes with chain....not too hard...you don't want to cause real damage. Use as part of a leash. Bind chains around wrists and ankles. Use chains to pull someone up from the floor to their tip toes (buy some decent load bearing pulleys that can be used with chain. 

Insulated wire ....use just like ropes, but twist to tie together or twist through and under wraps around limbs to tied down - or rather getting rid of the left over lengths. Can be very decorative on the body. 

Mardi Gras bead necklaces .....can use square knots with them, bind as with ropes, cut so it's a string to bind with. Do a blindfold over closed eyes. 

Collars ....can be made with rope, chain, sheets, paper towels, locks locked together around the neck, chain with a key ring, dog collars and dog collar chains, cut a belt for the neck...use string to hold two ends over each other or punch holes to attach rings or carabiners or locks. 

Kitchen gear ....spoons to tap on body parts, forks to graze the skin, knives to hold the side of an edge to drag on the skin without cutting, wooden spoons and spatulas for spankings, rolling pin for alternative massage tool, pizza pan for spanking, skewers for poking at the body without penetration or cutting into the skin....especially affected for pressure point play.....hold the skewer down by the tip for better control, use a plastic cup to squeeze and place over a nipple area of a female breast (and without breaking or cracking the cup) let the cup open to suck in the breastflesh, use baking pans for eating troughs, use bowls for slave dog dishes. 

Bicycle cable ....it's stiff, binds down hard on the body, means business to hold and restrain someone. Use locks to connect. Use carabiners to connect. 

Saran wrap, tin foil, wax paper, plastic wrap ....to wrap around the body, to encase, to restrain to a chair, a bed, a table, a post. Restricts movement. Makes a person into a cocoon with breathing holes. Make a hood, a blindfold, or into a kind of clothes. 

Ratchet Straps ....quick binding, body wrap, secure to posts, for example. You can bind several people together. Use four of them to do a spreadeagle tie down...leather wrist cuffs on that have d-rings - you can pull through a ratchet strap to then stretch a limb (within reason - not terribly tight)....each limb in one direction or same. 

Phone, instrument, stereo cables, coiled headphone cable, midi cables, composite cables, wires, lamp cord....all for binding or whipping a person. Makes beautiful lines on the skin if you do a quick snap stinging strike. 

Scarfs.... for binding limbs. To drag over the skin. Use as a blindfold. 

Wood around the house ....yes those 2x4s....to be bound to. Those 4x4 to have to stand on while being caned or whipped or holding a book on your head. Add ring bolts, construct into racks or crosses, or make stocks for your head and hands and feet to fit into. One 1x4 or 2x4 can be a paddle for light use on the butt. Place a board on the sort side and have a person straddle it. 

Long sleeve shirts ....for binding by using the arm lengths. Bind the wrists behind or in front so the body of the shirt covers the ass or genitalia. 

Stuffed Snake Toy ....to find the body with. I guess that would be fluffy play.

Felt pens ....put a condom on it and insert. Write all over a person's body. Slash a body part with the felt tip to make what looks like whip lines. 

Toothbrushes ..... for skin brushing, over nipples, over a cock head, between the labia, redden an area on the body. 

Sofa, chair, rocking chair, lounge chair, bed, dresser, cocktail table, kitchen table....all for play, being bound to, having to hold on to for use, female breasts up on flat surface furniture. 

So that should get you started. Have fun. Be creative.  

i am so sorry Master

Master, 
this morning i did what You desired of me. 
i knelt at the foot of my bed
spread my thighs apart
reached over and set the timer 
for the time You allowed me

i cupped one breast 
and then the other
i pinched one nipple
twisting it as i pulled upward
as high as i could without letting go
and then 
just let it drop
and then did it to my other breast
i did it over and over again
till my nipples ached

checking the timer
i must hurry now
for i have more to do for you

i ran my middle finger over my clit
running circles around it
sliding now and then into my vagina
i did this over and over 
in and out
back and forth
and i just got wetter and wetter
and that damn clock
the ticking got louder and louder
damn it i thought

i worked myself frantically
i was running out of time
i really did try not to go over the time you allowed
but i failed ....throwing that fucking clock across the room.

i am so sorry Master
i just kept going till I exploded 

i lost it completely
carried away by temptation
i had broken my bond with You
damn it......

Please Master....
make me pay dearly for this
Please Master.....please....
don't ignore me like the last time
rather make me hurt there
so i remember to act 
according to Your Will
and never to my own
ever again

Taken by Master

He takes my wrists from behind my neck
and binds them at the base of my back

He places a collar around my neck
to make it impossible for me to nod

He snaps the lock closed
and i drop deeper into my place

He attaches the short silver chain to the ring in front
gives it a sudden tug to get my attention 

He points to his feet
and i just drop into a kneel
my lips so close to His boot
the chain pulling so tightly

And He tells me 
'beg for it'
and softly i say 'please Master'
and then
He drops the chain 
my lips drop to his boot
and i kiss lightly
careful not to lick
ignoring my hunger tempting to take me
for this.... 
is only the beginning

I Must Confess.....

Yes Master, it is true:  i have been bad. 
Naughty i have been.
i have brought defilement upon myself. 
no one must look upon me....even You. 

Make me earn Your forgiveness
teach me through discipline
punish me hard
make me hurt
and feel Your disappointment
no matter my tears
nor my cries
no matter how loud i scream
no matter how much i beg you to stop
for what i have done without You....
i need to suffer 
until i can once again
feel the touch of Your eyes
upon my flesh
hear Your words in my mind
until i remember....
that i must ask first 
before i can have my wetness  
flow down my thighs

How You Can Tell If A Woman is Submissive

I've been asked a lot ....how can you tell if she is submissive. And I've said:

• If you tell her where to sit and she does it and she's still there when you return...then she's submissive. 
• If you tell her to pick out a book from a certain bookcase to show you ...as you sit there waiting for it...and she brings one to you....then she's submissive.
• If she's the one doing all the talking among a group of friends...well maybe....she's likely dominant around friends and at work, but prefers to be submissive at home. 
• If she's forward and outgoing and always says yes to the choices you pick out...then she's submissive. 
• If she defers to you most of the time to make decisions....she's submissive. 
• If she doesn't object to the decisions you make, but follow them without hesitation....she's submissive. 
• If she greets you at the door looking rather sultry and dressed in a manner she knows you'll like...she's a submissive. 

There are a lot to look at in her behavior. So if you see or think her actions might indicate she is submissive....direct her more often and see what happens. Play with that. Be direct with her every step of the way...'tell me about that', 'what does that feel like to you', 'come here and tell me again'.

True story:   I asked a gal working at an adult upscale retail store that if a guy walked up to her and said this:  "Hi, I'm Dave. We are going out on Wednesday night. I am picking you up here at 8pm. Be ready...I'll be coming to take you. I have reservations at a place for dinner in Bellevue. Don't disappoint. We have a private space at the restaurant just for us. Dress for conservatively for the evening." ....and she said: 'Oh God....if I could only find a man like that. I really have grown tired of a guy picking me up and then asking me where I would like to eat for the evening." 

So consider....when you ask a woman out ....don't. Tell her instead. And when you pick her up....do so having already made the decision on where to eat. The last thing these women want is having to make the decisions on a date where some guy asked them out.

Be Direct on the First Meet Up

If you are seeking a woman who is submissive....and you are meeting women to find one...by all means....be an adult, be direct and say that you are seeking a submissive woman who wants to explore it with you. Tell her what you want, what kind of top you are, what your needs are when it comes to getting close. Don't be afraid ....because if she can't handle it...you know you need to look for that woman who can. Don't use the slide-in technique where you date a bunch and then bring it up thinking she will be more likely to be open about it...because you might and she might be quite disappointed...tho sometimes that works. But seriously, the slide-in is a long haul.

So how do you start this? Ask this question:  What kind of sex play have you always wanted to do or do more of? Then see where that goes. If it is going in the direction that sounds intriguing to you...keep staying on that topic for specifics. If not, say 'thank you ...but you're not whom I am seeking' or something like that. Now if she asks for more specifics....spill them, see where it goes. 

Remember....you are seeking a submissive woman....don't pass go or collect your dollars, don't wait...get what you need.You have to step out of your comfort zone I know....and you have to work at this. 

These women, by the way, are not just in the bdsm clubs...they are at the street fair, the local grocer, the post office standing in line with you, at work where you work, in the community center, at the beach.....in your church....and it's Christian churches where I found a few. 

There is risk....but it's worth it...and it won't land you in some hate threads or behind bars. Talk openly and descriptive about it. Start off with something like this: 'I'm really into submissive women who love to please and make their man happy.' ....and see where that goes. 

Good luck. Unfortunately, the destruct button is broken.

Eye Candy

When I look at female eye candy....I'm looking at what I can do with their body parts. I'm not looking for a replacement for my play partners or my primaries. I'm looking to add to whom I have to play with.

I'm looking for:

• Who will mark well when I flog and whip them
• Who will look good in rope when I bind them or do a full body rope harness on
• Who will look good kneeling nude and in waiting...eager to be of service
• Who can be kept naked to decorate my room with
• What their breasts will look like when I bind them at the base ...how nice to touch, fondle and make oh so round and bulging for viewing....how they show emotion, their endurance
• How they will look in high heels, a short skirt, and a halter top
• How they look in an evening gown for a night out

So things like that....how well might be able to be submissive or taught to endure how I will use them. 

Eye candy....what does their figure look like in various outfits?

Eye candy....how do they move their body while struggling in restraints?

Eye candy....what do they sound like?

Eye candy....how might they be able to present their body for my pleasure in viewing them?

I'm looking at how clean they are, what they smell like if I am close enough....not that I am sniffing, just that ...if I notice a perfume they might have on. 

I'm looking at where their bare thighs touch. 

I'm looking at the clothing they are wearing and how it fits them and what it might look like if there were bound underneath with thread, yarn or soft rope. 

I'm imagining what their hair looks like if it were undone from being up. 

I'm looking at the shape of their ass underneath that skirt, that long skirt, that bikini bottom they have on. 

I'm making a guess at the bra they have on, those curves they have, those panty outlines they have.

Eye Candy....what strikes me about them that distracts me from whatever I am doing. 

Eye Candy...that says HOT loudly.

Eye Candy....that says come get me. 

Eye Candy...that says I get a glimpse, but you'll have to come meet me if you want more. 

Eye Candy...in a backwards baseball cap with alluring lips and a quaint smile wondering what it is about me looking at her. 

Eye Candy....I'm wondering what she will be like with a vaginal and a butt plug in her as she sits to try to eat without making a movement that might cause a rain. 

I'm looking at her makeup, her lipstick, her foundation, her eyelashes...and I'm wondering if she knew the 'source' of permission ....how she would then apply it. 

I'm looking at her breasts without her knowing I am and watching if those nipples are becoming erect right there because ....

I'm wondering what her fuzz short hair feels like as I tilt her head back. 

I'm wondering what it would be like to wash her long blond, brunette, red hair....feeling the strands between my fingers....wondering what she will do when I pull her head back by the back of her head as I grip her hair. 

Eye Candy....does she walk and wear it well that everyone notices except her?

I'm looking at eye candy to imagine not if I had her, but if she she knows she is in the red dress in a black and white world....crossing my path. If she does....I have captured her.

Putting Her to Bed With You

When you are ready to go to bed....you tell your girl to go and get ready first.....and tell her to be naked and kneeling at the foot of the bed such that she, if allowed, will be looking at the headboard end of the bed....tell her that when kneeling there to have her hands behind her back.

Now then....when you come to the bedroom to go to bed - get in, get comfortable. And then tell her to crawl up to you without looking at you directly. And then tell her exactly where you want her by you. Watch her as she crawls of the bed and crawls to you. Is she doing it the way you like her doing it? Do you have a chore for her to do....perhaps oral on you? She's there for you, for bedtime. Make her like a hungry woman seeking prey.....and take her when you want her sleeping at your side. Or....finish with her and tell her to sleep on the floor next to you. It's your choice. She's yours.

Pulling Her Hair Back To Get Her Hot

Open your hand with space between your fingers.....grab your girl, whose backside is toward you, with your other hand around her waist (her front) and hold her backside or side of her torso close to you. Now take your open hand and place it with fingertips pointing up at the base of her neck (back of her head). Mover your hand slowly upwards against her head being careful not to tangle or pull hair such that it would hurt her....and as you get your palm up to the base of the head before going over to the top of the head.....close your fingers some and then curl the upper parts of the fingers as you grab the hair and then ....start to pull and slowly pulling her head back...not yanking...but to pull back slowly....and to, as you are pulling, slightly turn her head such that her face is towards yours....and then hold....then slowly let go of the grip, but keep your hand in her hair and do it again....only this time kiss her as passionately as she responds. Do this process just right and you have found a very excited woman.

Take Her Under Your Control

Strip her and lay her down on the floor with feet towards you. Tell her to open her legs. You're sitting on the ground or in a chair. Take your single tail or flogger and give her one hard strike such that it hits her cunt good and hard. She'll likely scream....and during that moment...you say to her rather sternly this: 'get over here right now...do it...over to me right now so that I can hold you during your pain'. Do not go to her. She must crawl to you in her pain. When she gets to you....pull her to you close....hold on to her and tell her she will never get another one of those again UNLESS she misbehaves. Continue to hold her and whisper to her how special she is that she went through this for you.

Washing Nylon Rope - Like the White Ropes

This is rather simple....take your rope and put it into a pillow case and tie the open end closed ....or use a laundry bag that's closable. Throw that into your wash. Use a smaller amount of soap and wash. Then you can also put it into the dryer till dry. No...it's not gonna melt.

Two Girl Bondage....Making the Other Wet

So you have two gals standing back to back. Take a rope and double it and wrap around the waist of one....around the backside to the front to pull the doubled rope with the ends hanging through the loop of the other end and let hang there between the legs. On the other gal do the same thing. 

Now....on one gal....knot the rope such that the knot lays over her clit and pull the ropes then through between the inner lips to between the legs and up to the waist rope of the other gal - at her backside and connect to that rope and tie a knot there. Do the same with the waist rope of the other gal....tying a knot to lay over her clit, down between the inner lips, through her legs and up to the waist rope of the other gal tying a knot there at her backside. 

Now...if one moves forward some....the other gets the stimulation on her. And if the other resists and moves forward....she will stimulate the other gal. 

Such a tie arrangement can be in place with other bondage. Have fun!!

Deep in the Forest

Deep in the forest
lies beauty to behold,

Allow the lights to lead you

for the forest has much to offer
for your delights,
and there are many.

But you must not bring anything with you

into the forest,
the lights would leave if you did,
the forest would darken
and there would be nothing
for you to see.

Remember: I am with you

in the forest.

You've Seen her Cross Your Path

the submissive is different then all the rest of those in the world.....she's crossed your path many times. she doesn't blend in with the crowds......she's noticeable....but only if you are looking to catch her.

she might be the one with all the bags from designer stores. 

she might be the one getting her way with the people around her....because she has to move them out of the way.....and you know why. 

it's as if everyone is dressed in black and white....and she....well, she is the one in the red full length dress with the white polka dots on it.....she's got those high heels on you can't hardly see how she can walk in....she's the one with the perfect hair....she's got a white pearl necklace on like it's a collar....close to her neck...in fact, everything about her looks perfect....and instead of walking with the flow of people in one direction....she crosses through them as if they aren't there. 

And the only reason she stops in her tracks and looks at you is because she and you 'felt' each other's presence....and the longer she looks at you is because she's waiting for your response....and that's the time you turn away and leave....because by doing that you are telling her she's not ready to be taken yet.....and that she has to wait.....

till next time.....and there will be a next time....she knows it.... because now you've caught her.

Questions to Ask a Master Before You Decide to Submit to Him

1. A Day With You - What is a day like with you in role and what is a day like with you out of role? Detail should include something a bit more than just "Well, we get in the morning and have breakfast and then I do some bondage with you and give you a list of chores," or "I'm a funny guy that loves exploring new things with a wonderful female."

2.  A Difficult Scene - What is the most difficult scene you have ever done and why and what did you learn from it?

3.  Punishment - What is the most elaborate or most difficult punishment you had ever given, why did you give it, what did it accomplish and what did you learn from it? What would you had done differently next time?

4.  Safety Philosophy - Could you elaborate on your interpretation of "Safe, Sane and Consensual", "Responsible, Respectful, and Trusting", "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" ? Which one do you follow? Or do you follow something else when it comes to being responsible for safety....yours and mine?

5.  Aftercare - Could you explain how you perform 'aftercare'? Or why you don't?

6.  Cues - What are 'cues' in a scene? How do you know how to progress in a scene....intensity, tools to change to, rest periods between?

7.  Identification Needed - If I decide to meet you are you prepared to tell me ahead of time how I can contact you, your full real name, where you live and work, your home and cell numbers, references?

8.  Meetings - Are you willing to meet with me several times before we play together if I so choose?

9.  It’s My Decision - Are you willing to accept that I am not your submissive until " I " make the decision to be such a person to you or when " I " decide to ask you if I could be such a person for you, and that " I " will not be acting or  being a submissive until I feel comfortable in so doing before that decision to serve, obey or please you is made by ' me '? And I choose to do that....what will you do?

10.  Nurturing - How do you nurture a submissive to build trust and the desire in her to continue to submit to you? Do you micro-manage her? Do you build on what you find out about her potential? Do you lay down rules for her to follow? Do you provide guidance along the way? Do we do timeouts to discuss progress and problems?

11.  Why Top Others? - Why do you do this and what do you get out of it?

12. Safewords - Do you use safewords? If so...what ones to you like to use? When are they allowed? How do you like them expressed to you? Do you always allow them? Will you always respect them? Can I give them up?

13. Health Issues - How do you handle those with health issues? Give me some examples?

14. Won’t Do - What won't you do?

15. Dream Scenes - What do you want to do to a slave that you haven't yet?

16. Peeves - What are your pet peeves about a person? How do you manage them if you choose to continue to play with them?

17. Food and Drink - How do you initiate replenishing of a submissive under your control and during play?

18. Play Types - What are the differences between M/s, D/s, T/b play? What works best for you? Do you play with those who are different than your typical kind of play style? Is what you do play, role-play, or lifestyle?

19. Orchestration - How do you orchestrate a scene from start to finish?

20. Sex and Orgasm – Are these important to you? Do you need them? Do you provide these to your slave? And if not, why?